“Hybrid reality” – what the coronavirus has done to us and how to find our way in it

The COVID-19 pandemic has affected everyone, regardless of age. It has put each of us in a position where we have to face difficult challenges. WE PRESENT A CHAPTER WE WROTE FOR THE GUIDE “PRZESTRZEŃ DLA SENIORÓW” (A SPACE FOR SENIORS), PUBLISHED BY FUNDACJA MAPA PASJI (THE MAP OF PASSIONS FOUNDATION).

We hope this publication will help and inspire older people to take action for their local communities – including during the difficult times of the COVID-19 pandemic and after them.

The complete guide “Przestrzeń dla seniorów. Poradnik aktywnego seniora” (A Space for Seniors: A Guide for Active Seniors, in Polish) can be downloaded from this link. Enjoy reading!

It is often stressed that older people are particularly vulnerable to the disease and belong to a risk group. In these circumstances, however, seniors also have a special superpower they can draw on. It is the power of experience.

We also face challenges that call for entirely new skills. In this chapter we suggest what you can do and what you can make use of in a changed, hybrid reality – and how to cope with it.

1. What the pandemic and lockdown have done to us

The pandemic hit our health, and then, like dominoes, the social, economic and political situation followed. That is on a large scale, which of course affects us, because we are all members of society and participants in the economy and politics. But the effects of the pandemic that each of us has felt directly, first-hand, also matter, because they have an impact on how we function day to day.

Uncertainty. You can book a doctor’s appointment, but you don’t know whether it will take place. You can think about spending the holidays with your family, but you don’t know whether you will be able to meet. You need new shoes for the winter, but you don’t know whether shoe shops will be open. You don’t know whether your grandchildren will catch the virus at nursery. You don’t know whether your son or daughter will keep their job. Suddenly, the amount you know and can predict has dropped sharply. Suddenly it turns out that almost every aspect of life is burdened with uncertainty.

We didn’t even realise how important it is in our lives to be able to plan for the future – both the more distant future and the near future, a few days or weeks ahead. The pandemic took that away from us: plans became very fluid, if they could be made at all. As a result, we lost a reasonably clear view of the near future. Nobody knows what will happen, how things will be, what else will occur, what the situation will be in a week or a month, let alone in a year. During the pandemic we were flooded with uncertainty, which marked almost every aspect of life. Doubts and dilemmas have become an inseparable part of every day, and they no longer concern only important, “big” decisions, but even simple matters such as everyday shopping or a visit to the doctor.

A diminished sense of security. This uncertainty about the future and about everyday decisions has struck at one of every person’s basic needs: the need for security. We have stopped FEELING confident and safe in our own lives, but we have also stopped BEING safe, because the virus is a real threat to health, and the socio-economic situation caused by the pandemic has genuinely reduced the economic security of many people and families. It is like walking on ice – you can move forward, but every step takes effort and vigilance so as not to slip and to keep your balance, and with every step there is a risk that the ice will crack beneath your feet.

Limited direct contact with other people. Even if we were not aware of it before in everyday life, during the pandemic it became very clear to us: human beings are social creatures. To live, we need conversations, hugs, get-togethers and shared undertakings. When these become impossible or severely limited, our sense of well-being, our sense of security and our mood all decline; many of us slip into depressive states and lose a sense of meaning in life. Social distancing has a direct impact on our mental health. To function well, we need other people – not only, and not necessarily, their help, but simply their presence.

We have to cope with all of this somehow. The good news is that although the pandemic took us by surprise, in a sense we are prepared for it. Every person has their own defence mechanisms and ways of responding to stress. Some work at a biological, instinctive level; others are based on our experience and stem from our character and skills. You are not defenceless, and the range of tools and resources you can use in this difficult situation is wider than you think.

2. How to cope in the new reality?

When we are under threat, we react instinctively, like all animals. There are three basic responses to stress: flight, fight and freeze. On top of these instinctive responses we also layer strategies that we have developed over our lifetime, based on our experience and knowledge. These can be constructive, i.e. helpful, or non-constructive, i.e. only seemingly helpful. 

The active response – increased activity, throwing yourself into action, taking on the role of rescuer and activist, responding to challenges and problems, supporting others. This is a constructive response, but it carries the risk of burnout, exhaustion and a delayed crisis, for example a health crisis. If you react in this way, make sure that, as well as being active, you also look after your need for rest. Sleep, proper nutrition and seeking support for yourself are very important.

Food for thought

Before you throw yourself into action, consider:

• –      what specifically you can do for others, for the world,
  • –      whom you can help,
  • –      what you can do for yourself,
  • –      who can help you.

Think about what you do in the long term – over months, half a year, a year – and pace yourself well. It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

The response of gradual adaptation to the new reality – learning new things (technology, ways of keeping in touch with people, e-government services, etc.), trying to adapt the “old reality” to the new conditions (making the most of the contact that is available: get-togethers “on Skype”, changing the way you keep up your habits), dropping ineffective habits and looking for new ones (physical exercise in front of the TV, looking after your daily rhythm, cooking at home, relaxing rules, e.g. about what you wear). This is a constructive response, but you need to be careful that giving up what is important to you (and difficult to do during the pandemic) does not outweigh the new things you bring into your life.

Food for thought

Take a close look at yourself and think about what matters in your everyday life: contact with family, being active in a group, being able to talk to people, regular physical activity, taking part in cultural life, helping others… What makes you “feel alive”? You could even make a list.

Then think about how you can pursue these things that matter to you in the new reality – which of them need no change and which need to be modified a little. It is a good idea to talk about this with someone close to you – other people, with their perspective and experience, may suggest new ideas and solutions. Putting them into practice may be a challenge in itself – you may need to learn how to use a computer or change some of your habits a little. Introduce changes gradually and don’t hesitate to ask for help.

The withdrawal response – waiting for a “return to normal”. We often fill this waiting time with substitute activities, mainly aimed at easily available pleasures that don’t help us grow (eating, “lazing about”, watching television). This is a non-constructive and potentially destructive response. You could say it is a waste of time. In such a “freeze” we do not develop or adapt to the new situation; instead we wait for the situation to adjust itself back to our old habits and routines. And that will not happen. Of course the pandemic will pass, but the world after it will be different, people will be different, and we will be building a new normal rather than returning to the old one.

Food for thought

If you tend towards the withdrawal response, it is very important to become aware of it. Look at how you are spending your time during the pandemic: do you go outside, are you in contact with others (e.g. by phone), what does your physical activity look like, what do you fill your time with? How often do you feel you can’t be bothered to do anything? Think about what you could be doing if you felt like it.

And what are others – your friends, your family – doing? How do they spend their time? Which of their activities might work for you?

Introduce changes gradually and in small steps – these can be changes to your diet or to the way you spend your time. You can set fixed times when you do something differently from usual, e.g. 10 minutes of exercise every day at noon, or a phone call to a friend three times a week. Try to learn new things: try out new recipes, watch a different TV programme from your usual one, do your shopping in a different shop. New situations stimulate the brain and shake you out of your torpor.

Ask for support when you need it.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a specific stressful situation because of its scale and duration. When the stress associated with it goes on for a long time, you may notice yourself moving from one response to another. It is important to take steps towards reaching a state of adaptation, i.e. optimal adjustment to the circumstances while preserving what matters to us (perhaps in a slightly changed form). 

3. Your superpowers

Our responses and the way we function in the difficult situation of the pandemic stem from our different resources. Everyone has some powers they can use. Young people have flexibility and find it easy to learn new things; they are also very familiar with new technologies and know how to use them. You, too, have a special superpower. It is your experience. Over the course of your life you have often gone through difficulties and uncertainty. You have experienced them personally, but you also remember experiences of this kind on the scale of the whole of society – e.g. an economic crisis, a change of political system, rapid social change. Unlike young people, who have no such experiences, you know that difficulties can be survived and overcome, that crises pass and that people come through them. You also know ways that help people get through them, and you know them not just in theory but from your own life experience. Thanks to this, you can not only rely on yourself and your own experience, but you can also be a source of support for younger generations.

Food for thought

Think back to difficult situations in your life. What helped you then, how did you cope? Which of the methods you used then could you try now?

Think back to difficult moments for society/the country/the world that you took part in or witnessed (e.g. the fall of communism, the attack on the World Trade Center, the death of Pope John Paul II, the economic crisis in Poland in the 1980s, martial law…). What did you do then, what did you think? What helped you? How did these events affect your life? How did the reality you live in change after them? What helped you adapt to the new circumstances?

4. Resilience, or what does it mean to be resistant to stress?

Is it possible to be resistant to stress? In a sense, yes. However, being resistant to stress does not mean that we don’t feel or experience it. Stress is a biologically based response; each of us experiences it, just as each of us feels pain. Resistance to stress is not the ability not to feel it, but the ability to cope with it. This ability is called resilience.

Resilience is not about being “tough”, ignoring stress or pretending that nothing is happening. Even the toughest people crack under strong or prolonged stress. It is about the ability to bounce back from difficulties, about “psychological elasticity” that comes from the knowledge and experience that after the storm comes the sunshine. Resilience is therefore not an attitude of avoiding or ignoring stress but the ability to live through stress constructively.

Oak or hazel

In our culture, the oak is a symbol of strength and endurance. Oak is:

•            durable

•            heavy

•            hard to work

•            prone to splitting

A better symbol of resilience is the hazel. Hazel is:

•            soft

•            pliable

•            springy

How can you develop and support resilience in yourself and those around you?

1. Build and nurture self-belief and an awareness of your strengths: your experience, maturity and skills.
   1. Take action and develop your sense of agency (“I can do this”) – initiate activities, but also join in with what others are doing, such as volunteering to help others, advice-giving (crisis mentoring), friendship phone lines, helping neighbours, and work in NGOs. Wherever it is possible and safe, look after yourself independently (doctor’s appointments, shopping). Keep your community or organisation active – switching to “remote” working that uses new technologies is an important and complex project whose results can be used in the future too.
   1. Focus on what is constructive (action, opportunities, possibilities, successes) rather than dwelling on difficulties (illness, restrictions, threats). Turn your attention to what strengthens you, not what weakens you. If necessary, limit your exposure to the news.
   1. Keep your sense of humour! This is a good time to revisit the best comedies, even those with “black humour”. Laughter is the best medicine!
   1. Nurture supportive relationships with people – call someone you haven’t heard from in a long time, perhaps write a letter or an email. Get to know (better) the social media that make it easier to exchange photos or messages. Focus on people whose presence in your life adds value and who make you smile rather than feel sad.
   1. Learn to love those scary technologies – there’s no going back. A smartphone, a laptop or an online meeting platform are no longer intruders or visitors from another world; they are an important part of today’s reality. And don’t worry that others (younger people) use technology so skilfully that it seems out of reach for you. They had to learn it, too. They have simply been doing it every day for the last dozen or so years. Now you have time to read the instructions, watch a tutorial video on YouTube or take part in a webinar on the subject, ask the helpline advisers, or call your children or grandchildren and let them help you. This is also a good example of an area where you can, with a clear conscience, hand over leadership in your organisation to people who are more at home with technology.
   1. A person is not just a mind and emotions. Looking after your body is especially important now. Exercise, a healthy diet, sleep, sex – in so-called “normal” times we are so busy that we often put these off until later. Now is that later – the time for which we kept postponing switching to a healthier diet or starting regular exercise. You can find ideas for exercise for seniors on YouTube, for example (combining learning to use technology with looking after your fitness and health!). This is also a time when we can catch up on overdue online doctor’s appointments.

The world after COVID-19 will not return to the “normality” that came before it; we will create a new normal that takes into account our experiences and the changes from the time of the pandemic. It is worth using this time for personal development, gaining new skills and forming new habits – not only those related to new technologies, using the internet and using a computer, but also those connected with everyday life, building and maintaining relationships with others, and taking part in social and cultural life. That is better than a strategy of just waiting it out!

Remember!

• the COVID-19 pandemic is a situation of major change and chronic stress
• stress is a natural part of life – you cannot avoid experiencing it, but you can cope with it well
• each of us reacts to stress in our own way – being aware of your own way is the first step towards coping with a difficult situation
• any big change can be broken down into a series of small steps
• to help others, you need to look after your own strength and resources
• every crisis holds opportunities